Why are some females looked down on when they are assertive? In every instance when a male is assertive he is considered a hero, strong or a leader. Its considered ultimately a great quality. For females that is not the case. It is seen as ungrateful, rude, arrogant or just plain bitchy for lack of another word.
Why are females just expected to grin and bear it? While many will go out of their way to not confront a male peer for fear of their reaction, this is not the case with a female.
Females will sometimes be confronted on things their male peers are not and if they do not respond in a passive manner people get upset and wonder what is wrong with them.
For example: In a paid research group of 6 people there are 4 males and 2 females, Bob, Jack, Sammy, James, Mary and Liz. Bob is very boisterous and always saying how he deserves much more money then he is making now. While he is overall annoying to some, he is generally looked at positively. He is looking out for himself and what better person to talk about yourself then you. Its said if you want something you should ask for it and that’s what he is doing.
Liz is very similar while less boisterous than Bob she also feels she deserves a raise. Instead of screaming it out for the world to hear, when approached by the people who can ensure her one she tells them how she feels. Even though Liz is much less boisterous then Bob she is generally looked down on. She has some nerve asking for a raise is their response. Her actions are deemed inappropriate or greedy even. Its outrageous that she would try to determine her own worth. Even if Liz did not ask for a raise there is no guarantee she would ever get one. Sitting still and wishing on a star that someone will acknowledge her worth will not work for every situation or environment. While she sits still Bob is steadily advancing and she is left wondering what she did wrong.
So, as you can see, Liz can’t win in any instance. Liz can neither get a raise being silent like Mary nor can she get a raise being assertive like Bob. It is most likely Bob will get a raise because his assertiveness is heroic.
As a kid I considered myself very passive. I hated that though. At the end of the day I gained nothing. I behaved like people thought I should but that was all. They were pleased and I was left with nothing more than what I started with. As I observed others I realized the people that moved forward were assertive and grabbed what they wanted by the reigns. So I tried to become more assertive as well.
What difference does it make to please everyone else yet gain nothing? Even if people look at my assertiveness negatively I will continue to press forward as I have nothing to lose. I would have gained no more being a silent unaccounted for fish than being a shark people were aggravated with.
I rather be the shark, I rather be remembered for not taking any nonsense or saying/standing for what I believe. I don’t want to be remembered for cowering in a corner trying to please the masses.
So I will keep being assertive whether people like it or not. It’s better to be a shark than be devoured by one.